


from words, but not from beauty

by synchronicities



Category: Schitt's Creek, The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Late Night Conversations, Pre-Canon, for both shows, random allusions to celeb relationships, tahani and alexis namedropping extravaganza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:08:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29571525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synchronicities/pseuds/synchronicities
Summary: Two wine-drunk socialites have a fight.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	from words, but not from beauty

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this pic](https://twitter.com/SchittsCreek/status/1175242717699411968?s=20). I adore the fact that these two shows gave us two very-not-self-aware socialites redemption arcs. So here is a pre-canon(s) self-indulgent fic about them almost coming to the conclusion that they have some growing to do! Almost.
> 
> Title from Lana Del Rey.

There’s a girl Tahani doesn’t know at the gala, and she has to do a lot of subtle asking around to find out who it is. She’s honey-blonde, in her late-twenties, and draped around Harry Styles, laughing at everything he says. A bit gauche, if Tahani were to judge, which she wouldn’t. She was raised better than that.

Emily Blunt is the one who identifies her. “Harry Styles’s plus one?” she says, peering around the ballroom. “Alexis Rose. American heiress. I ran into her a couple of times across the pond. Her father owns Rose Video so she’s quite well-connected in Hollywood.”

Tahani raises an eyebrow. “One of those American party-girl socialites, then? I have to say, I thought Harry would be better than that.”

“Oh, tosh, no he isn’t,” Emily says, patting her on the shoulder. She looks around the room again. “I’ll see you later, Tahani – Guy Ritchie is over there; John wanted me to put in a good word.”

“Best of luck,” Tahani says. When she turns around, she promptly forgets about Alexis Rose – Tom and Charlize have been drawn into the same group of conversationalists, and Tahani figures she must rescue one of them before they come to blows again. A hostess’s work is never done.

* * *

Of course, the event is a success. Elton John performs a song, Tahani and Carey Mulligan hand a giant check to the Alzheimer’s Society people, and Victoria Beckham’s dress gets the press talking. This fundraiser will be the talk of the town; at least until Kamilah’s latest exhibit opens in two days. But Tahani always takes what she can get, and today it’s a round of congratulations from the guests as they begin to file out. Tahani directs the catering crew to start dismantling their equipment and is bidding goodbye to Sir Elton and the Blunt-Krasinskis at the hotel entrance when she once again sees Alexis Rose, smoking a cigarette on the stairs.

“Hello, I don’t think we’ve been introduced,” she says, dipping her head gracefully. “I’m Tahani al-Jamil.”

“Alexis Rose,” the eponymous woman says. She’s lovely up close, with bright hazel eyes and a knowing smirk. Her dress is Elie Saab, and she’s stepping on the hemline with her heels. “Nice to meet you. You’re Kamilah’s sister, right?”

Tahani resists the urge to grit her teeth. “Yes,” she says.

“Oh, _love_ her work,” Alexis says. “Or, I don’t know, I’m supposed to love it. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, but whatever.”

Time to probe, Tahani figures. “You came with Harry?” she asks airily. “I didn’t get a chance to converse with him today.”

“Ugh,” Alexis says. “Yes, _Harry Styles_. I came here to break up with him, and I had to sit through…whatever this is. And I couldn’t even do it; he’s still in there talking to Olivia Wilde.”

At that, Tahani bristles. “Excuse me,” she says. “This is _my_ party; you’re here to raise money for the Alzheimer’s Society. It’s not just… _whatever this is_.”

Alexis waves her hand. “Sorry,” she says, taking another drag of her cigarette and rolling her eyes. She’s clearly a couple drinks in already. “It doesn’t, like, matter, though,” she adds.

Harry Styles chooses to exit the hotel then, surrounded by his bandmates and a gaggle of other invitees. Out of the corner of her eye, Tahani sees a limousine pull up. “Alexis, love,” Harry says, “Cara want us all to go down to this place in Soho. Bit of an afterparty. Come with?”

Alexis puts on a transparently fake smile. “Ooh, I have a bit of a headache, Harry,” she says, scrunching up her nose. “Meet you back at the hotel?”

“All right, darling,” he says, kissing her on the cheek. He nods at Tahani. “Lovely party as always, Tahani.”

Tahani watches the limousine drive off and glances at the younger girl. “Are you all right? Would you like for me to call a car for you?”

“Nah.” Alexis rests her hand on her chin, staring at the empty street. “I think I’ll hang out here for a bit.”

Tahani glances at her phone. The venue has been cleaned out, so she can make her way home. “It’s not safe for you to be alone here,” she tells Alexis.

Alexis laughs. “Oh, don’t worry about me,” she says. “I’ve gotten out of worse things.”

Tahani huffs. On one hand, she wants nothing more than a good soak and one final glass of wine before going to bed, but on the other, leaving a young woman all alone in Central London in the middle of the night nags at her conscience. At the very least, she tells herself, it’s bad publicity. Alexis might be a brat, but she’s a rich and famous one.

“Well – would you like to stay at my townhouse for a bit?” she offers. “It’s not far from here, and the doorman can call you a car in the morning.”

Alexis stands, grinning. She snuffs her cigarette under the heel of her shoe. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

* * *

It turns out Alexis has had more drinks than Tahani thought.

“He just, like, doesn’t really make time for me,” Alexis is saying into another glass of Tahani’s favorite red. She’s shed her slinky dress and has slipped into one of Tahani’s older sleepwear sets – to Tahani’s relief, they are the same size. “And I get it; he’s mega-famous, but – it was so obvious, I should have listened to Taylor about him.”

“She is usually right,” Tahani says, taking a generous sip. She feels like she has to play catch-up, but Alexis is charming in her own way. “Has he always been like that?”

Alexis nods hurriedly. “Oh, yeah,” she says. “Always touring, writing little songs with the boys, giving interviews. Like, I have needs.” She looks around Tahani’s townhouse. “How do you know him, anyway? Like, why’d he come to your little affair?”

“Through Taylor, actually,” Tahani muses, finishing her glass and pouring another. “She introduced us before they dated. And the boys do a lot of charity work themselves, so they would have wound up in my contacts sooner or later.”

Alexis taps her fingers on the countertop. “So, okay, I have a question,” she says.

“Ask away.”

“Like, what’s the point of the parties?”

At this, all of Tahani’s budding goodwill for Alexis drives to a screeching halt. “Excuse me?”

The other woman blinks. “You said you wouldn’t get mad!”

She’s right. Tahani inhales. “I apologize,” she says. “Please, continue. I’d like to hear your thoughts.”

“Okay. Why bother making a big deal out of it?” Alexis continues, fiddling with the ends of her hair. “Why not just give the money to charity directly?”

“It’s – why – it’s _important_ ,” Tahani says, and chalks not being able to come up with a good answer with the fact that it’s been a long day.

Alexis looks unconvinced before her face lights up. “Oh, my god, it’s because you’re doing it to feel good about yourself,” she declares, slapping the countertop. “No that’s it; that makes perfect sense! Your sister is one of the greatest people on the planet, so you raise money for charity!”

“That is _not_ the _only_ reason,” Tahani seethes, before realizes she’s slipped up.

Alexis looks triumphant. “Aha!”

Tahani fumes, setting down her wine glass. “I am a _philanthropist._ I cannot believe you would talk down my life’s calling like this! All while you – you _gallivant_ across the world causing trouble with your father’s money!”

“Oh, please,” Alexis says, finishing her drink. “I’m not saying they’re bad. Just that you’re not that much better than me.” She makes a face and gets up to for some water.

Tahani crosses her arms. “You have some nerve telling that to someone who is letting you stay at her townhouse free of charge instead of leaving you in the street!”

Alexis sets her glass down and throws up her hands. “I mean, face it, Tahani,” she says. “For all the fancy parties and press tours, you couldn’t live without the manipedis or New York Fashion Week or your Caribbean beach house or whatever.”

Taken aback, Tahani quiets at that. _Could_ she live without the luxuries, the fame and adulation? What would she be without her esteemed pedigree, anyway? And what did that mean for the people she wanted to help? But then she sees her parents’ disapproving faces, Kamilah’s sneer, and buries the thought.

Alexis must have her reasons, and now Tahani wants to find out. “Well, what if it wasn’t just about the money?” she asks. “What if it was about – smarts, and talent. Don’t you want to be known for something other than being rich, and – and pretty? Don’t you want to do _something_ worthwhile?”

Alexis narrows her eyes, and Tahani thinks she’s hit the nail on the head. “Worthwhile? What if I find what I’m doing worthwhile? What is wrong with just…wanting to experience life?”

“There is more to life than globetrotting,” Tahani seethes. “Perhaps I am just as _spoiled_ as you, but at least I am _trying_ to do good things. I believe in that much, at least.”

Alexis raises her eyebrows. “Are you saying I’m a bad person?”

“I’m saying that from what I have learned about you tonight, you are careless at best,” Tahani retorts.

“Careless enough to attend the event where people drink champagne and pretend to care about sick kids?”

“It’s something, Alexis,” Tahani says. “At least I am doing _something_.”

“Okay, fine, I gave up, is that what you wanted to hear?” Alexis cries. “I gave up on trying to find my calling and I’m mooching off my parents. And, like, I don’t know, should I be figuring that out? Maybe I should be. But I am not a bad person because I’m messy with my money, okay? She crosses her arms, suddenly looking emotional. "I get enough of that from my family. God knows there are worse ways to use it.” 

Tahani inhales and tosses her hair over her shoulder. “That,” she says slowly. “That, at least, I can agree with.”

The two of them are quiet for a few moments. “I, uh,” Alexis begins tentatively. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry. It was a nice party. I…I got carried away. Elton John was really good.”

She genuinely looks apologetic, and Tahani has always prided herself on being magnanimous. “I must apologize as well; I acted abominably,” she says. “It is certainly none of my business to tell you what to do with your life.”

“And it’s not mine to tell you what to do with your life either.” Alexis crosses her arms. “I think you might be right, though. Maybe there _is_ something I should be doing.”

Tahani clucks her tongue. “Oh, darling,” she says. “You have the time and the money to figure that out by yourself. Now let’s get you to bed, I am sure Harry will expect you in the morning.”

Alexis stands and follows her to the linen closet, then to the daybed, and the two of them make it up in silence. When they’re done, Alexis swings her leg up onto the cushion. “You know,” she says, “I think my dad would like you.”

“Well,” Tahani says, prim. “My father would not have liked you.”

Alexis laughs prettily. “His loss, though, right?”

Tahani nods. “His loss.”

Alexis quiets. As Tahani moves to put their glasses in the sink, she hears the rustling of blankets and figures she must be laying down. “Hey, Tahani,” she murmurs. “How is it that, like, I hadn’t met you before? All those mutual friends?”

“Oh,” Tahani replies, glancing back at the daybed one more time before slipping into her bedroom. “You never really know how big the world is, I suppose. Good night, Alexis.”

“Night,” Alexis says softly, already close to drifting off.

It’s raining when Tahani wakes up. Her living room is empty, her pajamas are folded neatly on the coffee table, and the Daily Mail is blaring headlines of a #Halexis split _._

 _Thanks for letting me crash,_ Alexis has written on a napkin. _Let me know if you’re ever in LA_. _xoxo -ACR_

This is the last time Tahani ever hears from her, but the note makes her smile nonetheless.

* * *

Some years later, the Roses’ bankruptcy makes financial news headlines.

Tahani clucks her tongue as she skims through the article. A shame. She makes a note to reach out to Alexis after her plan for the day is done – it takes a lot to infiltrate an induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, after all.


End file.
